It has been forever since my last post, I've had such a busy August and it seems to have flown by. I had my vacation the second week of August which was amazing, filled with the beach, sunshine and time with my niece. I returned to work, realizing that it's tough to be out for a week and get back into the swing of things. I was dreading the week and remember doing everything in my power to procrastinate. 

Then I had another week's vacation last week, I know super spoiled. Matt and I took a trip down the Saco river with another couple and camped for two nights. I don't think I have been that relaxed and mindless for over two years. Before leaving, its funny because our friends saw me packing something in a personal cooler and asked what it was. Spilling the beans - I told them we were doing IVF and it was just as awkward as I thought it was going to be and nothing about it was really talked about after that moment. I think women in general tend to over share, but I wasn't about to not tell the truth around why I have a vial in a personal cooler and why I'm going to need ice throughout the whole entire trip.

On our way up to Maine, I found out that I wasn't going to have to start my Lupron while on the trip and that I needed to return for more blood tests the day we were returning home. Once I knew that, I think I let everything go. I stayed totally present and in the moment with my hubby and our friends (whom, btw, have a 3 year old).  I was able to let loose and be worry free and was so excited and happy to be on our little getaway. The day we returned from Maine, I flew out to DC to take care of my niece for the week before her school started. It was such a great week we had so much fun and everyday was filled with something new. It was so nice to have some one-on-one time with her, as all day it was just me and her and the ability to do whatever we pleased.  I was able to leave DC before the hurricane hit, even switching my flight to early in the morning to ensure I going to be able to make it home.

While in DC, I got the call that I needed to start my Lupron. For some reason, it's so much easier this time. I'm not sure if it's because the dose is different or if it's because the syringes are different, but I was able to handle these shots like a professional.  It was all me this time, I was the one having to prepare and give them to myself and while I thought I was going to have more anxiety around the process, I think that I was so preoccupied with my niece, my sister and her husband, that I just wanted to get it done and move on.  It really hasn't hit me yet that we've started the 2nd cycle, it sounds funny even typing that. I just feel like I'm not mentally there yet and it's scaring me.  I'm hoping I will wrap my head around this soon, but wonder if it's just better to coast through and go through the motions. It's hard to know what's the right/best way to be. I guess we never do know, do we.