As I tell my story on this blog, it's bringing back to some hard times in my life. When I first started the clomid cycle I read all these online message boards and I think that was a bad idea looking back. The women on the boards were not of my age group and I think this played a part in me feeling so isolated. I felt like the only 30 year old that wasn't having an easy time at conceiving. I promised myself to not look at those anymore, even if I was in dire need of some personal experience.
The 3 months I took clomid was the most difficult months of my 3 1/2 year marriage and yes, I blame the hormones. From knock out drag out fights at 10pm to the overly emotional times, I felt so alone. I felt like my husband didn't know what I was going through, I felt like I was going through it all by myself and I felt like he didn't understand me. I even avoided my best friends and physically isolated myself - looking back, not the best idea. I remember very specifically one night I was on the verge of tears and I realized I need to talk to someone about this - not my mom, not my best friend, not my husband...a trained professional. Never in my life have I ever considered therapy, but it was one of the best decisions I made for myself. Through my insurance, I found a woman near my home that specialized in infertility and to this day I continue to see her. Patrice has been such a life saver, an outsider and someone that challenges me to think differently about everything. At the time I first saw Patrice, I was deep into a clomid cycle and she let me borrow a book, Concurring Infertility. I recommend this book for two reason, it makes you realize you aren't crazy and the emotions you are feeling happens to other people and because it's great to have your husband/partner read this to gain a better understanding about what you are going through.
I hope that if you're reading this you will ask me questions about my clomid and IUI cycles. I hope to be someone for you to go to, when you feel isolated and alone. We shouldn't have to feel that way and we shouldn't feel like we can't talk about our difficulties and challenges with trying to conceive. Easier said then done, I know.
The 3 months I took clomid was the most difficult months of my 3 1/2 year marriage and yes, I blame the hormones. From knock out drag out fights at 10pm to the overly emotional times, I felt so alone. I felt like my husband didn't know what I was going through, I felt like I was going through it all by myself and I felt like he didn't understand me. I even avoided my best friends and physically isolated myself - looking back, not the best idea. I remember very specifically one night I was on the verge of tears and I realized I need to talk to someone about this - not my mom, not my best friend, not my husband...a trained professional. Never in my life have I ever considered therapy, but it was one of the best decisions I made for myself. Through my insurance, I found a woman near my home that specialized in infertility and to this day I continue to see her. Patrice has been such a life saver, an outsider and someone that challenges me to think differently about everything. At the time I first saw Patrice, I was deep into a clomid cycle and she let me borrow a book, Concurring Infertility. I recommend this book for two reason, it makes you realize you aren't crazy and the emotions you are feeling happens to other people and because it's great to have your husband/partner read this to gain a better understanding about what you are going through.
I hope that if you're reading this you will ask me questions about my clomid and IUI cycles. I hope to be someone for you to go to, when you feel isolated and alone. We shouldn't have to feel that way and we shouldn't feel like we can't talk about our difficulties and challenges with trying to conceive. Easier said then done, I know.
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