Sometimes you are forced to raise your hands in the air, look to the sky and say "what is the lesson here?" This is exactly what I did two hours after gasping for breath because of crying so hard and only after the two hours did I pause for a minute and wonder that.
I got a call from the doctor saying that we wouldn't need to come back to the office for a transfer. The eggs didn't mature and therefore there were no viable embryos to transfer back into me. After the days of shots and doctor's appointments, feeling bloated and worried, I got the call I never thought would come. Immediately, my legs were weak, yet I was so focused on what the doctor was saying, writing each word on a notepad like a good secretary. It wasn't until I made it from the walk-way to my car that I felt my heart sink and grow heavy. Having heard the news first, it was even more difficult to tell Matt when he arrived home from work. I didn't know what to say or how to say anything, I looked like I got run over by a train, my tear stained face hurt from crying so much. This was going to be the most difficult part and when he arrived home and through the door all I could muster up to say was "I have bad news." In front of him I felt like a wall of mirrors tumbling down, I was vulnerable and crushed.
I had never felt stronger or more proud of myself the days leading up to this call. I had done it; I had gone through the most difficult phase of this process and soon would be onto the waiting game, waiting for the day I could go get the blood pregnancy test. What was more concerning now was that the doctor wanted to see Matt and I right away and discuss what happened and next steps. Once in the doctor's office she explained the situation a little more, that only 3 eggs fertilized (out of 15 eggs retrieved) and then out of those 3, none matured and they stopped dividing. In the end it wasn't good news for the sperm or egg and next time she recommends starting with only a Lupron injection and injecting the sperm into the egg themselves.
I have always thought that everyone's story is different and you can't compare yourself with anyone when it comes to trying to conceive. Each of us are so different and bring different elements to the table, that you just never know. So again I ask, what is the lesson here? The lesson is that we needed more information about what has been happening with our bodies and why we haven't been able to conceive for almost 2 years. From this lesson, we can take the information and try to make it better and more successful. I can shed tears and get down, but I know I'm stronger than before and I'm not willing to give up just yet.
I got a call from the doctor saying that we wouldn't need to come back to the office for a transfer. The eggs didn't mature and therefore there were no viable embryos to transfer back into me. After the days of shots and doctor's appointments, feeling bloated and worried, I got the call I never thought would come. Immediately, my legs were weak, yet I was so focused on what the doctor was saying, writing each word on a notepad like a good secretary. It wasn't until I made it from the walk-way to my car that I felt my heart sink and grow heavy. Having heard the news first, it was even more difficult to tell Matt when he arrived home from work. I didn't know what to say or how to say anything, I looked like I got run over by a train, my tear stained face hurt from crying so much. This was going to be the most difficult part and when he arrived home and through the door all I could muster up to say was "I have bad news." In front of him I felt like a wall of mirrors tumbling down, I was vulnerable and crushed.
I had never felt stronger or more proud of myself the days leading up to this call. I had done it; I had gone through the most difficult phase of this process and soon would be onto the waiting game, waiting for the day I could go get the blood pregnancy test. What was more concerning now was that the doctor wanted to see Matt and I right away and discuss what happened and next steps. Once in the doctor's office she explained the situation a little more, that only 3 eggs fertilized (out of 15 eggs retrieved) and then out of those 3, none matured and they stopped dividing. In the end it wasn't good news for the sperm or egg and next time she recommends starting with only a Lupron injection and injecting the sperm into the egg themselves.
I have always thought that everyone's story is different and you can't compare yourself with anyone when it comes to trying to conceive. Each of us are so different and bring different elements to the table, that you just never know. So again I ask, what is the lesson here? The lesson is that we needed more information about what has been happening with our bodies and why we haven't been able to conceive for almost 2 years. From this lesson, we can take the information and try to make it better and more successful. I can shed tears and get down, but I know I'm stronger than before and I'm not willing to give up just yet.
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